I hate Seychelles – the tropical paradise everyone talks about. After visiting Seychelles multiple times, I feel like I have to warn you: this place is a trap!
Sure, it was on my travel bucket list for ages, but I’m starting to think I should have left it there. And if you don’t want to repeat my mistakes, have a look at why you should NEVER visit Seychelles.
BEST PLACES TO STAY IN SEYCHELLES:
• Hilltop Boutique Hotel (I stayed here in Victoria on Mahé)
• Sun Properties & Resort Hotel (I stayed here in Beau Vallon on Mahé)
• Marie Laure Suites (I stayed here in Bel Ombre on Mahé)
• Bambous River Lodge (I stayed here in Bel Ombre on Mahé)
• Palm Beach Hotel (I stayed here in Grand Anse on Praslin)
• Chez Bea (I stayed here in Cote’Or on Praslin)
• Cote D’Or Footprints (upscale stay in Cote D’Or on Praslin)
• La Digue Self Catering Apartments (I stayed here in La Passe on La Digue)
• Le Nautique Waterfront Hotel (perfect beachfront location on La Digue)
• Chalets d’Anse Reunion (perfect paradise stay on La Digue)
TOP EXPERIENCES and TOURS IN SEYCHELLES:
• Mahé: Anse Major hike (I did this fun hike!)
• Mahé: Private Tour on Mahé (I did this)
• Mahé: St. Anne Marine Park with Lunch (I did this!)
• Mahé: Rock pool hike (on my wishlist)
• Mahé: Day trip to Praslin and La Digue (great if you are short on time)
• Praslin: Vallé de Mai and Anse Lazio (I did this!)
• Praslin: cruise to Curieuse and St. Pierre Island (top-rated tour)
• La Digue: Anse Marron (hike to an isolated beach)
• La Digue: Crystal Water Kayaks tour (my favorite!)
Spoiler alert: you’ll probably ignore me and book your flight anyway! But hey, at least you’ll be prepared, and wouldn’t be able to say I didn’t warn you.
I mean, who really wants to spend hours on a plane just to land in a place so remote that even GPS will have a hard time trying to locate it? And don’t even get me started on those white-sand beaches.
So, before you fall for it, here are my 10 reasons why you should NEVER visit Seychelles.
FRIENDLY REMINDER
Never leave for a trip without travel insurance. Unexpected issues can arise so I suggest using insurance that covers people from all over the world, while outside their home country. You can buy this travel insurance even if you are already abroad.
Why NOT travel to Seychelles
KEY TAKEAWAYS
● Find out humorous travel advice for Seychelles and reasons NOT to visit.
● Discover why Seychelles might seem like an awful destination, but learn how each “negative” is a hidden positive.
● Have a laugh at warnings about all the ”awful” characteristics of Seychelles.
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1. No one will know where you’ve been
Seychelles? Sea-shells? Most people won’t even know the difference.
But where is Seychelles, anyway?
Most people have a vague idea it’s somewhere in the Indian Ocean, but ask them to point it out on a map, and you’ll probably get a confused stare. Is it part of Africa? Asia? The Caribbean? (Nope, it’s not even close.) Or maybe near Australia? (Wrong again.)
With 115 islands scattered across the Indian Ocean, sometimes even geography buffs struggle to locate it. And you know what? That’s the best part!
If nobody knows where it is, that means you can have it all to yourself — hidden from the masses, untouched by the crowds.
2. Beaches look better than your screensaver
Get ready to have your mind blown. All set?
Beaches in Seychelles look better than any screensaver you’ve ever drooled over. Without filters and Photoshop.
They look like a postcard from a travel magazine, but even better – because they are real! No seagulls stealing your fries, no lounge chairs crammed together, and definitely no trash ruining your perfect shot.
Do you think I’m over-glorifying it? Because … White sand beach? Boring. Turquoise water? Seen better. Palms on the shore? So basic. But granite boulders? Now we’re talking!
Seriously, when you see Anse Source d’Argent or Anse Lazio, you will realize that I’m not only stating facts.
You’ll have a hard time taking a photo that does these beaches justice because once you’re here, the only thing you’ll need to worry about will be applying enough sunscreen!
3. You might go nuts for their nuts
Here nuts are more famous than the beaches! (Go figure!?)
Ever heard of Coco de Mer? That famous coconut with a suggestive shape that resembles buttocks on one side and female genitalia on the other? Yup that one! (Your imagination is probably running wild …)
Those nuts are the world’s biggest (and cheekiest) seeds, and yes, it only grows in Seychelles in the UNESCO-listed Vallée de Mai.
And if you go nuts, you can buy a buttock coconut Coco de Mer as a souvenir. They are pricey, but how much would you pay for a nut? Like, they are the best souvenir that you’ll ever bring home!
4. Nature and wildlife will be distracting you!
Nature and wildlife will turn your relaxing holiday into a distracting one, and there’s no escape!
Just imagine sipping a cocktail and being distracted by giant tortoises just roaming around like they own the place. The audacity, right!
Or endemic birds flying around. And those fish when snorkeling? They look like they were painted fresh just before you arrived! Like, where do they get those colors?
You came here to chill, not to star in a National Geographic episode! Instead, you’ll find yourself snapping endless photos of a tortoise that moves slower than your Monday morning at work. Pfff!
5. The food will ruin your diet and efforts to gain weight
And then there’s the food. Great right!? Now you will have to take care of your diet too?!
What happened to greasy, fatty fast foods that are supposed to be the guilty pleasure of every holiday?
How dare Seychelles serve meals that are both healthy and delicious? I mean, the seafood is so fresh it practically swims onto your plate! And don’t get me started on the fruit; it’s so juicy and sweet you’ll forget what processed sugar even tastes like. Spices? I’m not even going there.
You came here hoping for some mediocre tourist trap food, and instead, you’re getting Michelin-star quality at the takeout window. The local cuisine is so good that when you get back to your sad desk lunches, you’ll be dreaming of that perfect papaya. It’s downright horrendous!
6. Prepare for (un)wanted fitness regime
You know what I really hate? How Seychelles is secretly a health trap.
And they are so sneaky about it as well. You won’t even realize it until it’s too late.
First, they serve you healthy food. Then, they advertise those beautiful beaches … which are ‘just a short hike away’. Brilliant marketing just there! Flawless!
What kind of holiday makes you lose weight? Come on! You will come here to relax, but instead, you will be hiking the Anse Major trail, going to Anse Cocos, swimming, and walking through nature reserves. Oh no, that’s not all! Don’t forget snorkeling and kayaking in La Digue …
That is not the holiday you would expect! Seychelles will trick you into being healthy. Don’t fall for it!
7. You won’t be able to complain about the noise
The silence here is honestly disturbing. It’s just too quiet here.
No car horns, no construction noise, and definitely no loud music to complain about at 3 a.m. (Okay, that did happen once, but it was a public holiday, so it doesn’t count.)
Instead, you’re treated to the gentle sound of waves crashing and birds chirping like they’re auditioning for an Animal Planet documentary. Seriously!
You’d expect to be annoyed by something — anything, really — so you could roll your eyes and say, “I can’t wait to get back home.” But noooo, they won’t even give you that satisfaction.
The silence is so peaceful it might actually make you uncomfortable. You’ll find yourself craving a bit of noise and stress just to feel at home. This level of peacefulness? Just cruel.
8. Locals are too friendly
Hold on tight for this one! Every time you meet someone in Seychelles, they’re smiling, saying hello, and asking how your day is going.
And they genuinely mean it!
They’re actually happy to see you. It’s offensive, honestly. They offer help without being asked, and sometimes — brace yourself — they’re even friendly about it. Who does that?
You come here and actually feel welcomed! If you are used to locals being rude and cold, and eye-rolling when asked for directions…. Oh no. Not here! It’s not fake!
Like, what kind of twisted place is this?
9. Don’t expect crowds to keep you company
Seychelles, the ultimate tropical paradise… unless you’re actually hoping to meet other people and socialize.
Sure, the beaches are out of this world but don’t expect crowds, bars, or any hustle and bustle.
Turns out, Seychelles has more Aldabra giant tortoises, mainly found in Aldabra atoll, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, and more palm trees than people, and most of them aren’t chatty. The 115 islands that make up the archipelago are practically deserted, with pristine stretches of sand and turquoise water where the only social interaction you’ll get is with a passing crab.
If you’re in the mood for small talk or a lively crowd, you can create your own version of ‘Wilson’ on some deserted castaway, Robinson Crusoe beach. Seychelles is where you go to escape humanity, not find it.
10. Holidays here will ruin every other tropical destination for you
You thought you knew what paradise looked like? Think again!
Once you’ve been to Praslin and La Digue, or any other island in Seychelles, good luck enjoying any tropical island again.
You’ll be haunted by memories of those granite rocks, the color of the ocean, serene, empty shores, tranquility, and lack of crowds. Every tropical vacation after this will feel like a downgrade. Sad but true.
You’ll find yourself rolling your eyes at everything else, quietly whispering, “It’s no Seychelles.” Because after experiencing Seychelles, no other tropical destination will ever measure up. Once you go, you’ll be itching to return again and again.
So, when are you coming?
➤ More Seychelles travel guides
• Perfect first-timers Seychelles Itinerary
• Where is Seychelles located? (+ Map)
• How to get to Seychelles from US, UK, Europe and Australia (+ Map)
• How to get to La Digue, Seychelles, from Mahé or Praslin
• 15 Top things to do in La Digue, Seychelles (+ Map!)
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